But there’s always wedding planning going on!  And I think the winter and early spring is an ideal time to begin communicating and contacting your vendors for your summer and fall weddings - for a variety of reasons!

We’ve all heard that the holiday season is the time to get engaged, so the New Year always starts out with a bunch of new brides, ready to start planning their perfect days.  On the other hand, as the new year begins, all of the brides who have been planning their 2009 weddings can finally say - I’m getting married this year! - and fully dive in to their planning (this works for next year brides too - I’m currently planning my 2010 wedding, and have felt so much better about emailing and contacting vendors now that I can say “I’m getting married NEXT year!”)

As I said, this is a great time to start planning because if you have the time, you won’t begin to feel the pressure or crunch of wedding planning.  And when wedding planning becomes stressful.. well, then it’s not fun, and planning the wedding is almost as much fun as the wedding itself.

So if you’re a new bride, or super excited to be getting married this year or NEXT year, here’s a great tip to get you thinking about planning your wedding ceremony:

What do you absolutely WANT to have? And what do you absolutely NOT want to have?

• Is it very important to have your mom or dad walk you down the aisle?  Do you want to make sure you can write your own vows, or use special ring vows or a reading?  Is there a special ritual or tradition that your parents used that you just have to be able to fit in?
• Alternatively, have you been to weddings and thought - I don’t know what I DO want, but I can tell you what I don’t want!  Are there certain stories or anecdotes you don’t want your officiant to use?  Certain terms or vows that you are just dead set against?  Rituals or traditions that you’re just not that into and don’t want?
• It’s a great idea to brainstorm these together before you meet with your officiant, so that you can make sure you’re all on the same page when it comes time to put your ceremony together.  Sometimes, the key is to knowing what you DON’T want!

Photo from Flickr
If you’re not familiar with handfasting - it’s, quite literally, “tying the knot.”  Though “handfasting” is often used in Pagan circles as the the term for the entire wedding ceremony, the handfasting I’m referring to is a unity ritual, often going after the ring vows and before the closing of the ceremony.  The couple takes hands (like they’re shaking hands - right into right and left into left).  Their hands are then wrapped with a cord, symbolizing the joining of their lives and hearts.  Each wrap represents a step towards complete commitment to each other.  At the end, the couple remains there, for a moment, and then the cord is removed before the end of the ceremony.

Lindsey & Ben had me wrap their hands, then repeated a simple vow.

Some couples choose to take vows as their hands are wrapped - this is an option as well.

Something fun many of my couples have done is to choose a handfasting cord that really means something to them - if you’re a fiber artist, you can knit, spin, weave, or crochet your cord - or use something that is relevant to your life - a couple I met with recently mentioned using boating twine as they are getting married at the beach!  There are also traditional meanings to the colors of a handfasting cord - so if you want to do multiple colored cords, your officiant can mention what each one means as it is wrapped around your hands.

Photo from Flickr

You can also have a friend, family member, or bridal party member wrap the cord around your hands.  If you have a smaller bridal party, you could have them all come up and do one wrap, as the officiant speaks.  Or your parents could wrap your hands, signifying their support as you enter this next stage in your life.

The roots of the handfasting are in the Celtic countries of Europe - I’ve had couples with Irish backgrounds use handfasting, as it has been the tradition in their families.  Many couples who want to incorporate a Pagan touch to their wedding have chosen a handfasting as well - not only because it is a lovely ritual, but because it’s a nice way to slip a non-traditional element in to the ceremony without scaring the more conservative relatives.

PS: Not that crafty and don’t have a beautiful vintage handfasting cord in your family?  Hit up a fabric store, and buy some beautiful trim or cording and some tassels (in the home decor section).  Attach the tassels to the cord, and you’ll have a beautiful handfasting cord!  Just make sure you get one that is long enough - I’d reccomend at least1 yard and a half long.

I think it’s a beautiful ritual, one that has a fabulous background, and something to think about when putting your ceremony together!

But you don’t have to listen to anyone.

Your vows, like your ceremony, should reflect who you are, as well as your relationship with your soon to be spouse. Personalizing your vows, or customizing existing vows is a great way to do this.

Here are my top five hints and tricks for writing your own vows.

Something Old: Do you really want to use the traditional “Till Death Do Us Part” vows, or have a specific vow that you heard somewhere that you just love - but you also want to exchange personalized vows during the ceremony? It’s possible. Talk to your officiant about incorporating the traditional vows elsewhere in the ceremony - in the ring vows or in “The Asking” (that’s the “I do!” part of a wedding). You can even incorporate them into your personalized vows.

Something New: If you get stuck on your vows, or are having trouble figuring out how to finish them, give them to some new eyes to look at. Your bridal party, parents, or officiant are just waiting to offer suggestions and questions to help you create the perfect vows for you. And, if you’re choosing to not keep them a secret from each other, sharing them with your partner before hand can often open up new ideas and stories that you may want to include.

Something Borrowed: The internet is a great resource for putting your wedding ceremony together. There is tons of information on vows people have used, as well as personalized vows couples have written. Don’t be afraid to borrow liberally from these places - your guests will never know you didn’t write it!

Tom & Jeannie wrote their own vow, but had me read it to them - and then they agreed with Yes! and I do!
Something Blue: This is the wildcard - What do you love about your partner? What do they do for you that makes you smile, every single time? Don’t be afraid to get specific with your vows! I’ve had couples promise to always make cookies and coffee after dinner or tolerate a favorite television show. Don’t be afraid to personalize it!

Melanie admired Brian’s resourcefulness at tough moments - like when the cat gets locked in the closet, and they can’t find the key - Brian promised to love and support Melanie even on Mondays after a tough day of work.

Writing your own vows is a great and easy way to personalize your own ceremony. As I mentioned in my previous post, even personalizing pre-existing vows can help to create a wedding that really reflects who you are!

Over my time as a Celebrant, I’ve culled a huge file of wedding vows - some original that I’ve borrowed from couples, some I’ve found in books or on the Internet, some I’ve written myself. I present these to my couples as a jumping off point - a source of inspiration to begin to think about possibly creating their own vows. I find that often people will find vows they just love, and edit them slightly to work for their situation.

Mickey and David each chose different vows to read at their wedding

Another idea that may work if you’re looking for slightly different vows - find out what vows your parents used in their wedding ceremony. Some brides and grooms like the idea of using traditional vows because they are the same words that people have used for generations when they married - the whole tradition of the ceremony itself. If you’re planning an interfaith or multi-faith wedding, you may be able to find wedding vows that are traditional to the specific religion you’d like to honor.

Retta & Jack chose the same vows but chose not to say them
I read them aloud, and they agreed to them with “I do”

The best part? No one will know that you didn’t write these vows yourself! If you choose slightly different vows than the traditional “to love and to cherish, as long as you both shall live…” - most people will assume that you have written them yourself. And, as it is your big day, you can take all the credit for it.

Here’s a very popular vow that I’ve had many couples choose - and I just love it too!

I take you, Dyana, to be my spouse,
my friend, my love, and my lifelong companion.
To share my life with yours,
To build our dreams together,
to support you through times of trouble,
and to rejoice with you in times of happiness.
I promise to treat you with respect, love and loyalty
through all the trials and triumphs of our lives together.
This commitment is made in love, kept in faith,
lived in hope, and eternally made new.

They had a small bridal party (an honor attendant each, and a flower girl & ring bearer), and Melanie suggested a great order for the processional - the best man escorted the Mother of the Bride, followed by the groom, escorting his mother. The Maid of Honor entered, followed by the ring bearer, and the flower girl, scattering petals. The Bride and her father entered last. I thought it was a great way to make their mothers part of the processional, and I also am a fan of including the groom and groomsmen in the entrance, instead of having them at the front, with me, at the beginning - I think everyone should get a bit of a grand entrance on their wedding day!

Brian and Melanie were both adamant that they knew, very early, that they were meant for each other, and I really tried to express this love and devotion they have for each other in their ceremony. They chose to write their own vows - Brian promising to love and support Melanie even on Mondays, after a long day of work, and Melanie expressing all of the times she looks to Brian for help - including when the kitty gets stuck in the closet with no key.

As a closing, they lit a unity candle together - their mothers had lit the tapers when they entered, and they burned during the ceremony. A lovely way to close.

It was a touching ceremony, that really reflected the unbelievable love that these two wonderful people have for each other.

Click here for more photos of their ceremony!

Retta & Jack were married at the beautiful Prallsville Mills in Stockton, NJ.

Their ceremony had a reading from Rainer Maria Rilke, on the nature of marriage, as well as a handfasting.  It was a perfect fall day, and unseasonably warm for October - a wonderful day for a wedding.  They had a harpist perform the music for the ceremony - a beautiful, elegant touch.

The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.

- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Retta and Jack, congratulations!

I think that fall is a season of changes, and what better way to celebrate change then by GOING OUT AND VOTING TODAY.

And if you still need a reason to vote… you should go out and vote simply because you have the right to!

And in more equal rights for all voting news…

In California Cities, Same-Sex Couples Race to Beat Ballot [NYTimes] - Same sex couples rush to the altar, just in case Prop 8 passes.

One of the best men was Dyana & Vinnie’s son, just a little over a month old (and wearing an ADORABLE little tux t-shirt!).  The couple had a sand ceremony, and had Jayden “pour” the last layer of white sand on top.  They’re planning on having a vow renewal with reception next year, and, I’m hoping, will save some of the sand from the sand ceremony, and create another layer, to represent their first year of married life.

The ceremony had perfect timing - as it began to get dark, the couple had their first dance, immediately after the ceremony, and all gathered blew bubbles.  What an amazing moment!

Their ceremony was short and sweet.  Mickey made it very clear to me that they weren’t a fairy tale love story kind of couple.  They really wanted the ceremony to reflect their relationship, have some traditional elements, but still be very sweet and intimate.

The couple wanted to have the traditional “Do you take this man to be your husband?” vows.  I incorporated these into the ceremony in “The Asking,” a portion of the ceremony where the bride and groom face each other, take hands, and declare their intentions to marry.  Mickey and David each chose their own set of vows, and read them to each other.  Their Love Story was short, but sweet, and made everyone laugh AND cry!

David’s daughter was the flower girl, and all she wanted was to be able to throw flower petals in the air during the kiss!  She sat down during the ceremony, but joined Mickey and David at the front, when they were declared husband and wife.  As they kissed, she tossed the flower petals into the air!

I know Mickey and David said they weren’t a fairy tale kind of couple, but there was something so magical about that kiss, in the woods, with the flowers and love in the air.

For more photos, please check out Mickey & David’s Wedding Gallery

The ceremony was sweet and funny, just like the couple wanted. One of the sweetest moments was when Val walked in, to Etta James’ “At Last,” escorted by her son.

The couple decided to do a unity ceremony, a sand ceremony, and involved Val’s son in it as well. He was so excited about it, too! Each had chosen two colors to pour into the central vessel, and, as music played, each bottle of sand was poured into the central container. The result, a beautiful visual reminder of the new family that was being formed today, stood at the front of the room during the reception.

Before the Ceremony

During the reception, the maid of honor and her boyfriend performed a song from “Flight of the Conchords” - so much fun! Paul joined them to sing Barry Polisar’s “All I Want Is You” (the opening song from “Juno”) to Val.

I had so much fun with Val and Paul’s ceremony. You could really tell, simply from the way that they were looking at each other during the ceremony, how in love they are. Paul put it best when he told me that Val has this certain look that she gives him - and at that point, Paul says her soul is blown wide open, and he can see the true depth of her love. Both Paul and Val’s souls were wide open today, and everyone was so happy to witness their love and devotion to each other.